Saying goodbye to Jack
It wasn’t something my heart saw coming, but my mind did. It hit me like a load of bricks the day I realized I could no longer keep him. Him and I were no longer a match for each other.
I think the best way to round it up was I was tired. I was tired of dealing with a battle every day. I was tired of sitting the bucks and dodging bites. Jack had worn me down and it wasn’t changing anytime soon.
We had given Jack every opportunity we could. And when I say we, I say the village that was behind him. Me, my husband, my trainer and my barn owner. We all gave our blood, sweat and tears to him since the moment he came to the barn. But it was time to move on.
Our relationship tanked. As much as I worked at demanding his respect, Jack never gave me an inch. He had a different relationship with our trainer and barn owner, but for me, it wasn’t there.
And as his and my relationship soured, the potential for me to get hurt rose. It became not fair to me, not fair to him and not fair for those who care about both of us.
The next few weeks will be rough, but the pain will lessen. The guilt I’m feeling that I wasn’t good enough, that I’m a failure and that I didn’t give him enough chances will subside. My mind had been making this choice for weeks, but it still hit my heart like a shock to the ribs.
The spiritual side of me takes over my heart in times like this and it reminds me that things happen for a reason. God has a plan for me. With that, he may have closed a door, but he opened another. I won’t go into details quite yet, but there’s hope coming down the aisle for me. There’s another stall I’ll soon be opening, another set of eyes to stare into, another heart to know mine.
Good luck, my dear Jack. I am so sorry I wasn’t your person, but good luck on your journey. You will forever have a hoofprint on my heart.